quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
Lupus and sunlight literally drains the life out of me. (Creation of melanoma = dead cells for my body to shove into the garbage can).

So I guess after all those years of being a teenager and playing Vampire: The Masquerade (Alkie Malkie, anyone?), dressing like a vampire, and wishing to be a vampire have finally come true.

And let's not forget the anemia, which equals a paleness that any vampire would be proud of.

Stupid, ridiculous, teenage Teressa.

(Said after a brief, 20 minute run in the very hot, very sunny outside to procure cigarettes. Do vampires even smoke cigarettes?)

Music I Dislike

Jul. 25th, 2017 08:59 am
oracne: turtle (Default)
[personal profile] oracne
I was thinking this morning about the very few music groups I don't like, and why I don't like them. This was prompted by a song coming on the radio and me turning it off.

1. Steely Dan. I know, I know, Bard College. But the main singer's voice irritates the crap out of me. It's so...whiny. It feels like it is scraping every nerve. The twangy stuff in the background exacerbates the effect.

2. Elvis Costello. His voice is so-so to me, but also, an ex-boyfriend loved his stuff.

3. Florence and the Machine. I should like this band, but all their songs sound too similar to me, and there's not enough change within the songs, either with the style or within the singer's voice. Maybe if it was more Metal? Because I am okay with the repetitive nature of a lot of Metal, and Industrial. Regardless, the singer's voice always sounds a bit strained to me as well, so I guess there's subconscious discomfort with that.

4. Frank Sinatra. I have never liked his voice. I have no idea why. He gives me the creeps like knowing some man is following you down a dark street.

5. Kenny G. No, no, no. *cries*

What about ya'll?

I did my homework on time

Jul. 25th, 2017 09:01 am
dorchadas: (Not he who tells it)
[personal profile] dorchadas
Today marks the first week that I've gotten all my reading of 世界の中心で、愛を叫ぶ done for class before we even met for the first reading. In fairness, it's a relatively short chapter and like three quarters of it is dialogue, which is always easier to comprehend than, to pick an example at random, a half-page about how beautiful and pure a girl is using an extended inorganic chemistry metaphor.

(That example was not random)

I also got more practice handwriting, when [personal profile] schoolpsychnerd and I took the postcards we bought at the wedding and wrote them out to our old Chiyoda Eikaiwa students. We do a mix of English and Japanese, with [personal profile] schoolpsychnerd writing the English and me the Japanese, and my penmanship is atrocious. Sometimes I wonder if they can ever read what I've written:

2017-07-23 - Postcard Japanese
I think every single looks different.

I can instantly read this and know exactly what it says, but I kept having to look kanji up while I was writing because I didn't know how to write them. This is actually a major problem with Japanese writing nowadays, even with native speakers. Auto-complete kanji selection means that writing that takes place on computers or phones can be done phonetically, leading to a phenomenon called character amnesia, or 漢字健忘症 in Japanese (kanji kenbōshō) (article here. I write in Japanese relatively often, but literally the only time I hand write it is for these postcards.

I had a nice vacation--still too short, as they all are, but I was able to go back to work with a minimum of problems. My insomnia last night was entirely down to the people across the alley staying up and talking until 12:45 a.m. on a Monday and drinking like four cups of water because I was inexplicably thirsty. And yesterday was [personal profile] schoolpsychnerd's birthday, so we went out to dinner and I ate duck curry! Emoji Fairy La And I had butter chicken on Sunday, and I'm having more butter chicken tonight...

Yum.

Home!

Jul. 25th, 2017 04:13 pm
zimena: (Misc - Doll-like woman)
[personal profile] zimena
I'm back after one week in beautiful Harrachov, Czech Republic!
alchemia: (Default)
[personal profile] alchemia

ETA: agreee or disagree with my feelings on t me on this, please share the info itself with your reading/friends list.  Other Fen may have had reason to remove their fic from online, or dissassociate their identity from it, and now that Archive.Org and other so-called archive sites are ignoring Robots.txts, and publishing decades of old material, they may be unaware that their fics are now online again against their wishes.   They should know that Fanlore is using these links, regardless of fen's wishes, and putting the burden on them to complain about it.   Fen who left fandom, or just removed specific fics, have a right to know about this, so that they can, if they want to, take action to send take down notices to archives and to remove Fanlore's links to those illegal copies of their work.



 

I've just lost almost all respect for Fanlore and the WayBackMachine.  Especially Fanlore- they at least should have the common sense to know that fen who work with certain subjects or live in certain countries, have personal safety issues that should come before a 'must archive everything just in case link rot, so we can grow our website, is the most important thing before the safety/wishes/rights of the people our site is about'  Talk about being exploitive!

And other so-called archival sites that consider themselves not just above robots.txt, but ignore copyright law and TakeDown notices- words cannot express what I wish upon their creators, and the people that use them to violate the wishes and legal rights of other people.

I am absolutely exhausted at the moment because the fucking 'war on drugs' caused our dr to have to, understandably, to not loose their license, have a 3 day wait period between when we are are used to picking up our fentynal, and when we actually COULD pick it up this time.  So we spent 3 agonising days in cold turkey withdrawal from 100mcg/48hr.  I got clonidine to help with the worst of it, but it made it so I couldn't even stand up without passing out so I had to crawl everywhere.   When we finally got our meds, I ended up in withdrawal from the clonodine- which basically meant that I couldn't fucking sleep for almost a whole week straight.  

So you want to know more about my hate for Fanlore and Archive.Org, you can read the genesis of my thoughts here:

https://cathexys.dreamwidth.org/508696.html?thread=13464088#cmt13464088

Link direct to my reply.  Yes I also am concerned about 'link rot'.  On sites where link rot is an actual issue (eg due to the LJ migrations with all the meta over thre) but FFS, link rot doesn't take precedent over that of the safety/prefrences of the fen.  Maybe some of them would even have locked those pages but lost access to the accounts, or left fandom and have no clue what they thought would stay on LJ is suddenly getting archived to a dozen different places that they would not want.  I outline one possible solution to respect fen identitiy while preserving pages.  

http://aethel.dreamwidth.org/362363.html
(my comment about 4 or 5 down) Disgust with Archive.Org (wayback machine) to after all these years, just BAM stop respecting robots.txt and make tons of stuff public.    I just had to send them Take Down Notices forTENS OF THOUSANDS of pages/images (mostly personal, hobby and business sites; only intertexius is fannish)

Ending finally with this:

http://fanlore.org/wiki/Talk:A_Bittersweet_Potion

(I removed only the archived links for Intertexius , no others, as its up to LJ etc if they will permit archival of public pages.   But it does make me think I'll be using the 'lock' feature a lot more in the future.  Might have some great discussions, and historically I've been of the mind that I welcomed public reading, but I do NOT welcome public copying to where-ever without my knowledge/permission.

Insted of recognising that OOOPS, shouldn't have linked to a page that has a DO NOT ARCHIVE TOS in bold letters at the top of the page and the splash page, the person locks it, and dumps the burden on me to go resolve the issue with fanlore staff.   Uhm, NO.   What if I was in a country where the law just changed to include chan fic as child porn and I had to rush to track down everyplace that might have something archived that associated my name with chan because I don't want an ex-spouse to find it and use it to get the gov't to take my kids away?   Fanlore is supposed to be AWARE of the unique issues fen deal with (Duh: http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fanlore:Identity_Protection ).  You don't dump that on the fen because 'oh no, what about link rot' (and we're not talking about LJ type migration issues here, but a site that's been around forever and the owners are easily contactable to find out their wishes, or ask if they can hold onto an archive in case we died without a will for the site or something).  Sorry, Fanlore FAILS. 

Why is it so difficult....? Just don't use links to Archives that break site TOS, break the law, etc and then:

1. you won't be supporting unethical archives and

2. Fen won't have to scramble with Fanlore on top of everthing else to figure out where they are exposed and how to hide it! 

Do what is RIGHT not EASY.  Yeash.  Good intentions, even worse execution that WayBackMachine because they can't claim ignorance about how such actions, that can connect people's identities with work that the general public may find "questionable", FUCKING ENDANGERS PEOPLE!

I find it DISGUSTING that Fanlore allows linking to archives that have copied Telanu's Tea Series after she removed it from the snarry archive for whatever her personal reasons were- it even SAYS on the top of the fanlore page ( http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Tea_Series ) that she TOOK IT OFF LINE, and then in the info box right next to it,  provides a bunch of archived links to the whole fucking story!  You cannot claim ignorance, that's just plain disrespectful. Is her safety at stake?  Her pride?  Was she planning to file off the serial numbers to write pro-fic, and now thanks to some fucking SELFISH arses who think they have more right to her work than she who created it, she can't do that, because its easy for a publisher to see/find the connection and reject the work for fear of legal issues, so her hopes and dreams and possible career have been destroyed?  WHO CARES WHO GETS HURT OR HOW!?  YOU THE FAN ARE NOTHING TO FANLORE, YOU ARE THEIR COMMODITY, AND IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THEY HURT YOU, AS LONG  AS IT MEANS THAT THEY GET TO 'GROW'!  If they did care, like they claimed, they'd never permit links to archives that ignore robots.txts that once gave us control of our sites,  and / or archives that don't have simple Take Down methods, or flat refuse to take down.

OOOPs I guess I needed to rant a bit more anyway but now I have to get back to more fucking Take Down notices for yet other archive sites that, like Archive.is, think they not only can ignore Robots.txt, but they can ignore copyright, ignore TOS, claim they "cannot" "take down" pages because they are somehow "above" international copyright laws.... have to deal with 2 dozen other medical issues I don't even want to discuss here, injured service dog, and never mind whatelse right now....

I can't tell anyone what to do of course, but I highly suggest/hope that if you use Fanlore, donate to them, whatever, please stop, and tell them you won't resume until they stop putting "archival" and the growth of their website, before the safety, wishes and legal rights of fen, and stop putting the burden of asking them to respect us on us, instead of respecting the people their site is supposed to be about from the start.


"You get nothing!"

Jul. 25th, 2017 02:26 am
rosefox: A cartoon figure slipping toward a gaping hole in the paper. (slipping)
[personal profile] rosefox
I'm having one of those "parenting is so hard, when does it stop being hard, oh right, never" days.

I was watching Kit play on their own and glumly thinking that happy Kit is independent and only wants parents when they're sad. Then they toddled over and handed me a stuffed fox, just because. So I know that what I'm feeling is just a feeling and has very little to do with reality. But it's still a big feeling.

Relatedly, having a tantruming toddler scream directly into your ear for several minutes is really quite challenging.

"Kit is so chill," I thought, once upon a time. "Maybe they won't really get toddler tantrums." I was so wrong. Soooo wrong. Tantrums aren't about personality. They're about cognitive and emotional overload. A scream into the void.

(My right ear is the void, apparently.)

(But was I going to stop cuddling my screaming child? Of course not. My ear can cope.)

And now I feel like the worst parent in the world because I couldn't really help my kid, even when they were bottomlessly miserable. There is no cure for the tantrum because it's an existential crisis. You just hold on and say "I'm here" like it means anything. And eventually they stop crying long enough for you to get some calories into them, which almost always helps. It turns out that kids are always basically one minute away from a massive hunger crash, and that rather exacerbates the existential angst.

You could not pay me enough to be a child again. No way. It's genuinely a wonder that kids are ever happy at all. Their bodies do weird things, the world is baffling, everything is too big, they have no control, safety is elusive and fleeting. It's like a fucking horror movie, 24/7. And yet my child comes over and smiles at me and puts their head on my knee for sheer love.

I guess maybe they wanted to say "I'm here" like it means anything.

I guess maybe it does.

A fannish update...

Jul. 24th, 2017 08:15 pm
settiai: (Liara -- bleeding_muse)
[personal profile] settiai
Now that I've talked about real life a bit, I guess it's time for a bit of a fandom-related update. I'm not watching a lot of television lately, and the handful of shows that I am watching tend to be webseries rather than more traditional series. We'll see if that changes in the coming months?

I finally was able to start playing Mass Effect: Andromeda and have fallen back in love with the whole ME universe. I know a lot of people didn't like ME:A, but I really loved it. It's not my favorite game (that's still ME2), but I do think it might have moved to the #2 spot on my list. Could it have been better? Sure. But that doesn't mean I don't love it (and the characters) any less.

On a somewhat related note, I still love Dragon Age. I haven't been playing it as much lately, since ME has been taking up so much of my time, but I've gone back to working on fic. Which is a good thing, because DA is one of those rare fandoms that makes me want to write longfic. Even though I kind of suck at writing longfic and take forever to finish stories that are more than 5000 words.

I've also continued with my Critical Role obsession, to the surprise of nobody. The current storyline is slowly drawing to a close, and I'm expecting Vox Machina's tale to come to a close by the end of the year. Which makes me sad, since I love the characters. But on the other hand, a new story! With new characters! My chances of convincing people to start watching will greatly increase when they don't have 400+ hours to watch in order to get caught up.

Speaking of which, Dungeons & Dragons continues to eat a lot of my free time. I have two weekly games that I play in online via Roll20, one on Friday nights and one on Sunday nights. Then I have another Roll20 game on Saturday nights where I'm the DM. And then, because I have no sense of self-preservation, every other Sunday afternoon I walk over to the gaming store near my apartment to play in another campaign.

So, basically, every other week? I play four D&D games in a little over 48 hours. And even when I'm not cramming four games in, I'm still playing three. Which isn't much better.

Oops?

Um, let's see. What other fannish things should I talk about?

Geek and Sundry and Alpha are behind most of the webseries that I'm watching nowadays. There's Critical Role, of course, which I've already mentioned. Then there's Eric's TBD RPG, an awesome Doctor Who RPG that just recently came to an end and was replaced with Shield of Tomorrow, a Star Trek RPG. Oh, and Sagas of Sundry which is just... gods, it's hard to describe. It's creepy and amazing and I highly recommend it.

I'm not watching Vast yet (another one of their RPGs), but I've heard good things about it. It's definitely on my list, whenever I have free time again. (I also watch The Wednesday Club, but it's a bunch of geeks sitting around and talking about comics for two hours each week rather someone I'm particularly fannish about. It's a lot of fun if you like comics, though.)

Based on the recent Doctor Who casting news, I'm cautiously optimistic that I might be able to start watching regularly again. I managed to watch some of the episodes from this most recent series but not all of them. Still, the ones that I was able to watch reminded me just how much I miss this show. I really hope that, once Moffat is gone, it will feel more like Doctor Who to me again.

The upcoming fourth and final season of Star Wars: Rebels has me both excited and terrified. I want to see what happens, but at the same time... well, it's Star Wars. I know going in that there was a good chance a lot of the characters wouldn't actually live through the show. The question is this: who and how?

I really need to start thinking about Yuletide and what fandoms I want to nominate this year, since it's coming up fast. This might be the first time in years that I haven't even started thinking about it yet, though. That will deserve its own post in a few weeks, when I try to start brainstorming.

A long overdue RL update...

Jul. 24th, 2017 07:42 pm
settiai: (Cass -- shoemoney2night)
[personal profile] settiai
So, yes, I'm still alive. Life in general has been busy lately, and the little bit of spare time I've had has been taken up by D&D and Mass Effect: Andromeda. Oops?

Work has been ridiculous lately. It's not really something that I can talk about in detail, but there's definitely quite a bit of tension between the higher ups and, well, a large percentage of the employees who aren't being paid six figures annually. Let's just say that the amount of work expected of most employees has gone up while salaries haven't (except for the higher ups, who magically were able to get raises when people making significantly less than them weren't), and I'm very worried the directors are going to find out first-hand just how screwed they are if a large number of people all turn in their notice and walk.

Mainly because I'm not in a position where I can afford to do that, no matter how much I might want to sometimes. Which means I'll also be somewhat screwed if anyone turns in their notice.

Add in the aforementioned extra work and the fact that several people have been out for health-related reasons, meaning our workload is even heavier, and... well, needless to say, it's not been fun.

Let's see... I should probably talk about the cats, huh?

Garrus and Percy are getting along surprisingly well. The first few weeks were a bit rocky, but once they got used to each other (and realized just how similar they are), things became a lot smoother. They're at the point where they're regularly grooming each other and sleeping just a few inches apart, which is a lot better than I was hoping for after less than two months.

I still miss Tali a lot, obviously, but the fact that Garrus and Percy are getting along so well is definitely helping. Percy is a doll, and I'm already at the point where I can't imagine him not being here. I just, you know, sometimes wish that I could have had all three of them, even though the realistic side of my brain knows that I never would have met him if I hadn't lost her.

VividCon is next week, which... I have complicated feelings about. Brain weasels! Aren't they fun? )

Anyway, I'm hoping that my brain weasels will go away once I'm actually in Chicago. At the moment, though, I'm not nearly as excited about the con being next week as I usually am by this point. Which makes me sad. Hopefully that will change somewhat over the next week-and-a-half?

... oh, I just realized that I never posted about my week of hell with FedEx here on Dreamwidth. I should rectify that. I want to make a separate fandom-related post first, and then I'll post the whole terrifying tale.

Rhetorical question is rhetorical

Jul. 24th, 2017 06:11 pm
quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
Why do I worship Death? I have no other gods, no other patrons or symbols that have captured my love the way Death has. I have loved Death for decades, long before my actual brushes with death that left my life waiting in the span of hours, in minutes of actually meeting Death.

Why do I have shrine built to the very idea of death? Skeletons, mini-graveyards filled with actual cemetery dirt (I still have that, Cemetery!) Pictures of graveyards, cards made by friends of movies that deal with death, a locket of the Catholic patron of Death. The comic of the Crow. A rose with an actual muskrat skull buried within the petals. Jewelry of bones. An actual animal skull, in full, on display.

Are people like me born this way or are we made this way?

Why do I worship Death? And why does it comfort me?

I had a weekend!

Jul. 24th, 2017 11:32 am
oracne: turtle (Default)
[personal profile] oracne
Saturday was very hot and humid. I did laundry, stumbled home, then stumbled out again to run errands. I ran into a friend (Tom Purdom) in front of a coffee shop so we went inside and got iced drinks and talked about Dunkirk as one does, since we were both planning to see the movie.

I got cash and bought subway tokens and sweated a lot.

Then I met up with C. in late afternoon for the movie Dunkirk, which we saw in IMAX, bass and the sounds of explosions booming from under out seats. I ate popcorn for lunch while watching people get blown up and drown and burn but also get rescued. Sometimes all of the above, in different orders.

This movie was what I call a Spectacle. I liked it best when it was all stark visuals and no dialogue (the dialogue was minimal). The splendid British actors did a great deal with their faces and posture; Tom Hardy as a Spitfire pilot acted almost entirely with his eyes, as the rest of his face was covered in helmet. (Jack Lowden, playing another pilot, was out of his cockpit for more screntime.) The movie was documentary-style, where you don't know the characters' backstory or hopes or dreams (with one exception); you're in the moment throughout, and the moment keeps jumping around, and you can't always keep track of the sequence. I feel I had an experience worth having.

After, being much luckier than those poor people trapped at Dunkirk, we had dinner at a great new tapas place in South Philly called Barcelona. Cue Freddie Mercury and Montserrat Caballe!

jazzfish: "Do you know the women's movement has no sense of humor?" "No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it!" (the radical notion that women are people)
[personal profile] jazzfish posting in [community profile] poetry
from The Creation of Éa, by Ursula K. Le Guin
(from A Wizard of Earthsea)

Only in silence the word,
only in dark the light,
only in dying life:
bright the hawk's flight
on the empty sky.

Private blisses

Jul. 23rd, 2017 08:42 pm
quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
The night ends in a private bliss. A hot bath, meds to let the hot water sink into every pore, and music as haunting and beautiful as what shivers down the darkest hallways of my soul.

It's exhilarating, cathartic - to have it just be you, the water rising, and alone as this apartment gets. (One closing door in the entire place - and that place is the bathroom.)

Jesse gets worried. He'll check on me, I assume to make sure I'm not painting the walls red with my blood or else have fallen asleep in the tub. (Though I do love to lay in the tub once the water has been drained, cooling off on the still warm but not concrete cold porcelain.)

Sometimes that's all I need to chase the demons away. Be alone, be in hot water that soothes like softly felt fire, and to hear what speaks to the sorrow.

I can sleep with some sort of peace now. And at the end of the day, that's truly all I want.

Tracking the swings

Jul. 23rd, 2017 01:07 pm
quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
Mood hit a wild downswing, for the reasons that they do, most famous being why the hell not? It's not depression. That's easy to recognize. It's not sadness. That's also easy to name. It's something more chaotic than that. Something that I'm not sure how it's going to manifest.

Predictability is not a virtue, nor a thing I put any faith inside.

Gonna try to sleep it out. May or may not work.

Sleepless nights at the black and white keys
I'll let my fingers say it for me.

Sometimes I swear the lyrics words write me
The words write me.

The melody a remedy to calm me down
You never did approve of the fix I found.

You can bury my body in the backyard,
When you're not looking I'll go dig myself up!
" Icon for Hire "Rock N Roll Thugs"

Buried halfway underground due to the tricksters in my head. And if I shall have enough dirt thrown at my head to bury me completely, I will try to dig myself out. I will try.

That's all anyone can ask of me, whether or not I manage actually to crawl out of the grave covered in dirt or covered in blood.

(no subject)

Jul. 23rd, 2017 05:52 pm
skimmed_miilk: (Default)
[personal profile] skimmed_miilk posting in [community profile] 2017revival
 
I'm a 33 year old Scottish woman, trying to get my journal groove back. I'm a mum of three boys from teen to newborn, and work in healthcare but (thankfully) I'm on maternity leave just now. I mainly write about daily life, the struggles and highlights of attempting to adult and parent and be healthy as a highly strung, stressed over-thinker who doesn't like herself most of the time.  

Wow, I sound fun.  Should I mention that there will be wine, gin and chocolate?

I was obsessed with my Livejournal back in the day - I started it back in 2003 and even though I've only dipped in and out of it in recent years, writing is still very much how I make sense of my life and my mind. That's why I'm trying to reignite that obsession I once had...though it's difficult with increasing grown up responsibilities and shrinking time of my own to put pen to paper fingers to keyboard.  But I know I need the chance to record snatches of life as it flies past, and an outlet for when my mental health takes a dive. 

I swear and I like to write no-holds-barred.  I'm very liberal and support choice - be that choice of who you love, choice over your reproductive options, or just the freedom to chose what you're going to watch on telly tonight. I'm doing my Masters in weight management so I try to live healthily through fitness (like dancing and weight training, albeit on a very beginner level) and healthy eating, but more often than not find myself alone amongst the crumbs at the bottom of a packet of biscuits. I'm book obsessed (mainly literary fiction and never fantasy, chick-lit, or much sci-fi), love a good tv series (Mr Robot, Stranger Things, The Handmaid's Tale, OITNB, Top of the Lake and Homeland have been recent highlights), and sometimes I even get out to see friends.  Some or none of this may come out in my writing.

Along with a lack of time, I guess part of why I've lost touch with my journal has been my shrinking friends list.  It's hard to make time to update when it feels increasingly like you're just shouting into a void. So I'd love it if anyone out there who is in a similar place in life or who is into similar things would like to take a punt on my journal.  I wont promise a very active journal but I am going to try, and I'm also going to try and be a good friend in return.

It's a good job I've been with my husband for ten years, because I'd suck at filling out a dating profile.  Feel free to swipe left (or is it right...? I'm not on Tinder).

(no subject)

Jul. 23rd, 2017 05:14 pm
skimmed_miilk: (love bomb)
[personal profile] skimmed_miilk posting in [community profile] addme

I'm a 33 year old Scottish woman, trying to get my journal groove back. I'm a mum of three boys from teen to newborn, and work in healthcare but (thankfully) I'm on maternity leave just now. I mainly write about daily life, the struggles and highlights of attempting to adult and parent and be healthy as a highly strung, stressed over-thinker who doesn't like herself most of the time.  

Wow, I sound fun.  Should I mention that there will be wine, gin and chocolate?

I was obsessed with my Livejournal back in the day - I started it back in 2003 and even though I've only dipped in and out of it in recent years, writing is still very much how I make sense of my life and my mind. That's why I'm trying to reignite that obsession I once had...though it's difficult with increasing grown up responsibilities and shrinking time of my own to put pen to paper fingers to keyboard.  But I know I need the chance to record snatches of life as it flies past, and an outlet for when my mental health takes a dive. 

I swear and I like to write no-holds-barred.  I'm very liberal and support choice - be that choice of who you love, choice over your reproductive options, or just the freedom to chose what you're going to watch on telly tonight. I'm doing my Masters in weight management so I try to live healthily through fitness (like dancing and weight training, albeit on a very beginner level) and healthy eating, but more often than not find myself alone amongst the crumbs at the bottom of a packet of biscuits. I'm book obsessed (mainly literary fiction and never fantasy, chick-lit, or much sci-fi), love a good tv series (Mr Robot, Stranger Things, The Handmaid's Tale, OITNB, Top of the Lake and Homeland have been recent highlights), and sometimes I even get out to see friends.  Some or none of this may come out in my writing.

Along with a lack of time, I guess part of why I've lost touch with my journal has been my shrinking friends list.  It's hard to make time to update when it feels increasingly like you're just shouting into a void. So I'd love it if anyone out there who is in a similar place in life or who is into similar things would like to take a punt on my journal.  I wont promise a very active journal but I am going to try, and I'm also going to try and be a good friend in return.

It's a good job I've been with my husband for ten years, because I'd suck at filling out a dating profile.  Feel free to swipe left (or is it right...? I'm not on Tinder).

Science and how it redeems itself

Jul. 23rd, 2017 08:44 am
quirkytizzy: (Default)
[personal profile] quirkytizzy
I think I've discovered the core issue of my life-long migraines - and it's ridiculously basic.

High blood pressure.

Since the worst of them only happen when I forget to take them (my potassium blocker, for some reason, always ends up the "forget to take it till mid-afternoon" list), and I now know I've had high blood pressure for most of my life, it's easy enough to pinpoint the largest cause.

Just a few pills and for the most part, my skull stays exactly where it is and does not explode into boney-shards waves of pain. I do still GET migraines, but those are now either stress related, (usually when I am having bad or anxiety dreams) or "Oh shit, I forgot my pills. Goddamnit."

The wonders of modern medicine. I'd say I'm surprised no one caught it, but outside of two urgent-care clinics (basically one-time doctor visits which do not have access to full medical equipment or personnel), I hadn't been to a doctor in 20 years. There was no one there TO catch it.

Lack of health insurance, mostly. I saw little reason to go to an ER as they always said "Go to your doctor", of which thanks to having no health insurance, I didn't have a doctor to go to.

One time I went in hoping to get sent to rehab, but SURPRISE, my small town's single rehab center did not take methamphetamine addicts, as they did not believe it was a physical addiction.

(Thank fucking God we know better now.)

Seriously, the 90's sucked so hard for some of this medical/psychiatric shit. Mad props to anyone who had to get help for physical or mental health in earlier decades. I mean, FOR REALS.

And even now, in 2017, we are still waiting on science to catch up on so much stuff. Why do epilepsy drugs work for bipolar disorder? Not a fucking clue. Is lupus family-based genetically passed? Not a fucking clue. What REALLY causes addiction, and why do support groups work only some of the time? Not a fucking clue.

Shit like that. I'm exceedingly grateful that we know so much more now. I'm exceedingly exasperated that we don't know MORE than we do now.

But I guess that's science. EUREKA moments are made-for-tv only and the rest of us have to live in Real Life. I guess, for today, that's okay.

"Close enough for jazz"

Jul. 23rd, 2017 03:13 am
rosefox: Me snuggling a giant teddy bear, entirely contented. (sleeping)
[personal profile] rosefox
Vacation to-do list/wishlist summary: not too bad! Especially given that today was totally eaten by stressful unexpected circumstances. (Everyone is fine now.)

Things without deadlines (fun):

* Watch Voltron: Legendary Defender and do some knitting
* Stroll in the Botanic Gardens (I didn't do this but did go read in the park near our house)
* Maybe steal the baby from daycare early one day and get extra baby time
* Read (three books! in one week!)
* Cook
* Lunch with my mom
* Sleeeeeeeep

Things without deadlines (productive):

* Shower and dress in real clothes every day (mostly)
* Tidy room enough for vacuuming
* Unpack
* Vacuum (well, I swept, but it's pretty clean underfoot now)
* Catch up on laundry
* Celebrate the 1st anniversary of Story Hospital (!)
* Call insurance company about that bill
* Call doctor's office about that prior auth
* Finish setting up Tinybeans
* Remake OT appointment for next week
* Do a family Readercon debrief/postmortem
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